To The Christian Who Has A Hard Time Trusting When Things Are Hard

Some days I just feel in my heart that I need to write a blog post, and today is one of those days. I have no idea where this post is going to go, but when my heart is aching writing always seems to make it better.

As a Christian, I know deep down that everything is a part of God's plan and that everything will work out according to His plan. But some days, it is so hard to whole heartedly believe that. Some days your heart just aches, and you wish God was there to just wrap His arms around you and hold you while you cry. The past few days have been those days where I need God's arms wrapped around me. 

The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions, I feel like my body has not had time to process everything. I want to be completely honest, since Friday, I have slacked off on my quiet time and my prayers. I know that I need to spend time with the Lord, and that He will give me the comfort I need... but I just can't. 

Why is it when we are struggling, we tend to forget about the ultimate Comforter and the Prince of Peace? Why is it so hard to trust God's plan when things are difficult? Shouldn't those times be when we long to hear from Him and want to spend time with Him? 

In this season of my life, I am really struggling with the fact that God only places people in our life for a season... it hurts. It makes it so hard for me to trust; to trust people and to trust Him. It kills me when I finally start to trust someone and get to know them, and then they were only meant to be there for a season. It's hard but I have to be quick to look into the situation and see where God's hand was there. What was God teaching me? What did I learn? From what I learned, what can I use in the future?

1 Chronicles 16:11 says Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His face always

I love what this verse is saying, but it also cuts like a knife... sometimes it is extremely difficult to seek His face always. Sometimes we doubt God's plan, we doubt His goodness. We wonder what we are doing with our life and where we need to go next. We wish there was a hotline number that we could call, to talk to God and ask Him all of our burning questions. As our hearts are aching, we want Him to be here, right beside us. To tell us what to do. But then we read the stories in the Bible, do any of them have a bad ending? Does God ever abandon His children and leave them there to handle things on their own? No, God is ALWAYS with us, through the good and the bad. In the hard times, this is when we need to remind ourselves the most that God NEVER LEAVES OR FORSAKES US!!! In Hebrews 13:5, God clearly says "I will never leave you for forsake you."

Even in these difficult times, we have to be adamant about reminding ourselves the truth, we have to believe whole heartedly that God is good and true, His plans are far better than any plan we have for ourselves. 

Why We Need To Love The Stage Of Life We Are In

I woke up this morning... ehh afternoon* and did my usual routine: Wake up, check every social media site, make a bowl of Fruit Loops while I check social media once again. 

One of my favorite youtuber/bloggers is Abby Smith (twist me pretty)  and she had just shared a link to her new blog post. After reading her post, I was very inspired to just start typing. So here I go, I don't really have a plan of what to say but I'm just going to go for it.

2016 was a roller coaster year for me. 2016 started off to be probably the best year that I have had in a very long time. At the end of 2015, my family was dealing with so much sickness and death that we all felt emotionally drained. Before this, I had never lost someone so close to me and in the span of EXACTLY 3 months to the day, I lost two of the most important people in my life. One was to cancer and the other was of a broken heart. Even though this time was rough, I have never seen my family so close. We were so heart broken and lost that the only thing that kept us together was each other. Around this same time, I had no idea that I was meeting someone that would mean so much to me. Someone who cared for me, loved me, and encouraged me. If I had not met this someone, I probably would have not been able to handle everything as well as I did. 


Honestly, 2016 was great. I learned so much about myself, the Lord, and others. I felt like this was my year, my year to grow. The Lord had placed someone in my life that helped me learn all these things and I am so thankful for that. I had grown so much more as a person in those months and even more these past 3 months. 

Life has been pretty, lets say different. My life has done a complete 360 in three months. With school, work, family, friends, and a significant other. I was ALWAYS busy and stressed to the point that I had anxiety about it. I felt like there was not enough hours in the day to get everything done that I needed to. I felt like I was awful at dividing up my time... let's just admit it, I was the worst. 

Now, my life is a full 360 than it was, let's say, 5 months ago. 

Let me start off by saying, I feel like college is an awkward time for some. For someone like me, I have never been a partier or liked that kind of atmosphere. I would much rather sit and home with friends and play games or watch a movie. So it has been hard for me to find my place in college. I didn't join a sorority or get involved on campus and that has played a big role in my life now.

Okay back to what I was saying...

While I have been (and still am) on Christmas Break, I feel like I have learned a lot. My daily life has consisted of sleeping 10+ hours at night, waking up around 10 or 11, laying around the house until I leave for work at 2:30, work until 6, come back home and repeat. I have been pretty bored. I feel like right now in my life, I am just restless. I am wanting something more. I am wanting some kind of change but I don't know what it is. I am SICK of being home all the time. So for this new year, I told myself I am going to get more involved. I want to go out and meet new people.
I am in the process right now of finding a church home and a new church family to plug myself into. 

My point in telling you all of this is to ask, why are we always striving for more? We are always wanting something we don't have. I know all of us have scrolled through social media and wished that we had something from someone else's life. But we don't need to do that... we need to LOVE the life we have now. Every one is at a different stage in life and we are all on our own life path. We need to stop wishing we had someone else's life when we should be focused on our own. LOVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE. Enjoy every minute that you have in this stage of life because later on in life, you will wish that you enjoyed the stage you are in now. God is ALWAYS doing something in your life. We just have to seek Him and listen to Him. 
Now I'm not saying it's bad to want more from your life or to set goals for yourself. I just think that we also need to enjoy where we are when we are striving for our goals! 

Love the Lord and love the life He has given you ❤️

I hope you have had a great start to the new year, thank you so much for reading my post 

-Steph

No One Can Tell You What You Are Capable Of

Today, I have realized that no one knows you better than you.

As I am writing this blog post, I am overjoyed and also very emotional. I just finished my 6th semester in college and received my unofficial final grades. If you have read my previous blog posts or you have heard me talk about college, you will know that college has been more than difficult for me. My first semester, I was dealing with all the issues with my Dysautonomia (here) and had a difficult time in my classes. I ended that first semester with a GPA that I am not proud of by any means, but I also think it shows how awful my health was and how far I have come. (Here is the blog post after my first year in college.) Over the past 6 semesters, I have had my fair share of people telling me I am doing everything all wrong. I have had countless advisors, professors, and friends tell me that I am not making the right decisions. 

I started out my first semester taking NINETEEN hours. I was told to do so by my advisor, and I feel he was irresponsible and did not take his students seriously. He just wanted to get us in and get us out as fast as he could. For a student like me, that did not go over well and I am so glad I do not have him anymore. I started out a Psychology major and once I took my first Upper Division course,Thinking and Cognitive Processes. This course was beyond hard and way over my head. I realized that Psychology probably was not the best route for me to go. 

The Spring 2015 semester, I was not in school. While I was away that semester, I had quite a bit of changes happening in my life. I moved back home, worked part time, and tried to find what I wanted to do considering school. I wrote this blog post about the pressure high school seniors have to go to college and to get a degree. I was realizing that college may not be for everyone, including me. At this time, I was deciding if I wanted to go back to Memphis, try and get a full time job or go to Real Estate school, and taking care of my health. A few months later, I decided to go back to Memphis (here) and I am so glad I made that decision.

That next semester, I decided to go back part time. I took 3 classes that were only on Tuesday's and Thursdays. I was there from 9:20-2:05 with no breaks in between. I was still going to school but I had lots of time to focus on health and taking care of my body. I believe that it has played a huge role in my well being and I am getting so much better every day. My grades were finally starting to get better with this new schedule so I continued to go Tuesday and Thursday with only 3 classes.

I just finished my 6th semester, only taking 9 hours but the classes were Monday-Thursday. Before this semester, I met with my cousin, who is the Assistant Dean of the University College, and she talked with me about their Child Development and Family Studies major. All three courses that I took were for this major and I loved every single one of them. I took Intro to Child Development and Family Studies, Family Global Perspective, and Integrative Curriculum for Early Learners. These were by far my favorite classes so far. By the middle, closer to the end of the semester, I went in and changed my major to Child Development and Family Studies. I am so happy because I have found the place where I belong. I found the department and classes that I am passionate about!!

College has been so far from easy for me but I am so happy where I am and I am so proud of myself because I MADE STRAIGHT A'S THIS SEMESTER! I am so so so proud of myself and I just want to encourage you to never let anyone tell you what you are not capable of. You are you and no one knows you better than you know yourself. I have had to gather up my emotions and hurt feelings when I have been told that "You are not going to graduate on time" or "you know you have to take at least 12 hours to be considered full time.." I know all of these things but I also know myself and I have found what works for me and what doesn't. I know what school load my body can handle and when I need to cut it off. I want to thank everyone who has helped me and encouraged me to keep going and to not give up on myself. My parents, my family, my best friend, Sara, and a few others who mean so much to me, have pushed me to keep going and to try my very hardest.

God is so good and He has helped give me the strength each and every day to keep going even when it feels like the world is against me.

If you are having a hard time, keep going, push yourself to what you know you are capable of. You can do it, if I can get straight A's, you can do it too!! I have faith in you :)

Thank you again to everyone who has encouraged me all along the way, I could not have done it without you!!!!


-Steph

Living Like A Child Of God

 

Last night, I experienced something truly amazing and eye opening.
I was babysitting for this family that I truly adore. They have two little girls, 2 & 4 years old. As I was putting the oldest to bed, she reminded me that we had to say our prayers.
I prayed first then I sat and listened as this precious 4 year old girl was talking and having a conversion with our Heavenly Father. Even though she was very quiet and I missed some of the words, it was the sweetest thing I have ever heard.

As I was driving home, I began to think about why as we grow up, we stray away from having childlike faith? Why do we suddenly think that we know better and become selfish in many aspects of our life? God NEVER changes, He is still the same as He was years ago when we were young children. So what happened?

Children are very interesting (or at least to me.) They LOVE to be independent but they also rely so much on the adults around them. They love to make decisions on their own like what clothes to wear, or what they want to drink in their sippy cup, but they solely rely on their parents to give them the things they need. How can we, as children of God, live in such a way that we are like young children? God is calling and reaching out to us to just trust Him! Why is that so hard for us?

In Matthew 18, verses 3 & 4, Jesus says
             "I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven"

Maybe you are like me, I really need to learn to trust God wholeheartedly with every part of my life. I want to be like a young child again, and run into the arms of Jesus. I need Jesus, I need Him to take over my life, I need to stop being selfish and only giving Him the parts of my life that I want to. Are you like this? If so, join me this week and really striving to live with childlike faith. Run into your Father's arms and give Him every part of your life. We need to stop focusing on "who can have the best prayer in sunday school" or "who sounds more knowledgeable," we just need to worry about living a life that is glorifying God!


Steph

Christ > "Mr. Right"

Recently, there have been marriages, engagements, and new relationships everywhere. I feel like every day there is another person I know that is getting engaged or having a baby. It's very exciting but also makes you question where God is taking your life. 

I recently wrote a blog post a few months back about writing and journaling to Mr. Right. Since then, I have struggled a little more than usual about what God has planned for me. Honestly, I haven't been journaling & writing letters to him anymore because sometimes I really wonder if there will be a Mr. Right. I feel like right now college is such a hard placed in life to try and find your soulmate. On campus, there are potential guys everywhere, walking around, in your classes, or in line behind you at the UC. But none of them have the same goals as I do. It seems like guys are just ready for a one night stand hook up type deal, or they are all about frat parties and drinking. And to me, that's not something I'm looking for. I'm looking for someone who will bring out the best in me, someone who will read the Bible with me and help me grow in my relationship with Christ but also will spend occasional Friday nights talking and binge watching Netflix. Right now, I have a lot physically going on that I need someone to help support me with.  I feel like recently, God has just been really taking a hold of my heart and putting back together all the broken pieces while telling me that even though everyone around me seems to be worried about relationships, that it's not what I need to be doing. I can be happy for my friends but also be happy for where God has me at the moment. I'm excited for where the road takes me, I know it will be great because I know who holds my future. And I am PERFECTLY okay with that :) It breaks my heart seeing girls recently settling for someone who doesn't help them grow, someone who doesn't cherish them and they stay with them just because the fear of being lonely and single.

Girls, join me and allowing God to take over our hearts let's grow deeper in Him and let him prepare us to give our hearts to someone who will cherish us and be honored to have us. Stop settling for guys who do the opposite. God has a plan and let's rejoice and be glad it in! :)
I hope this encourages you to not try and find happiness in just any guy but in the One who holds our future in His hands.

lots of love, Steph

Sunny & 75

This past week, my family has been in Gulf Shores, Alabama for our annual beach trip! It was my parents, sister, and my grandparents. My sister brought her best friend and I brought my cousin, Melissa. It was so much fun and very relaxing! We went from Tuesday-Tuesday because of my moms work schedule. we had 6 people staying in a one bedroom condo. My grandparents stayed in their camper at the Gulf State Park. Poor dad, once again he was forced to stay with 5 girls for 7 full days with ONE bathroom. He was a trooper though, as always :)


We did our yearly traditions of during the day we spent our time at the pool and the beach, then we head up one by one to shower and get ready for dinner. We then go out to dinner which follows by a trip to Scoops, our favorite ice-cream place in Gulf Shores. One morning during our visit, we always head to the Track. The Track is a go-kart place that has a huge family favorite, the Woody. It's a huge 3 story wooden track that is AWESOME! This trip was so relazing, I just loved being able to sit at the pool & beach listening to music or reading my book! 

One night we went to Wolf Bay Lodge & I was scared for life. As we were leaving, we out of the peer to take pictures (like every group of white girls.) Near us was a group of about 10-12 people and all these young boys were holding fish. Fish that didn't even look real might I add. We were standing under some great picture scenery, like rope and stakes, taking beautiful pictures then a group of men and boys come up pushing a cart full of fish (again they looked fake) they asked if it's okay if they used the area we were standing in because they needed the "decorations" So we backed away and I really wanted to watch. Well, without ANY warning, the man picks up the fish one by one and swinging them onto the stakes to hang them. The stakes were going into their eye balls and fish eye guts were flying everywhere. I was completely disgusted and ran off crying because I couldn't believe my eyes. The rest of the night I felt so queasy and weak like I was going to get sick. One of the worst experiences of my life. Bleh

I caved and got something I never said I would. A SELFIE STICK. And it's awesome!!!! It is so convenient when you don't have someone to take a picture for you!!

It was such a nice vacation to spend with my family away from work and everything else going on!! After a few days, I really really missed my babies. I couldn't wait to go back to work, I know I sound so crazy! It was a much needed 7 day vacation though!! I was ready to come home though. 

xoxo guys - Steph

Small Step For Organization

Do you remember my post at the beginning of the year talking about my goals for the upcoming year? Yeah? Well, one of my goals was to work on my organization. I have really really been trying to work hard on organizing my life. No one seems to believe me but at work, I try to keep the classroom as clean as possible (I work at a daycare in case you didn't know.) It's really hard in a room full of 2 year olds, but I am constantly walking behind them cleaning up the pile of toys that they just love to dump out for fun, and probably because they know it drives me insane :-) Whenever I bring this up at home, the only response I receive is laughter. Mom doesn't believe me, my nana doesn't believe me, my sister doesn't believe me. But only because that's just never been me. God didn't give me much of the Martha lifestyle, I am more like Mary. With that being said, it is really hard for me to not only organize, but to stay organized.

Since we moved to our new house about two years ago, I went to college and lived in the dorms & apartment. I never really had the chance to "live" in my new house/room. Since I moved back home, I have really been in the process our redoing my room (even though it was never really "done") I will do a room tour when I am done! But anyways, I have been trying to organize everything. 

One thing I have been working on is my makeup stash ;) I have been really big into makeup, like as in a hobby, so I've been organizing it the best I can.

I started out using my bathroom for my makeup and this is what my bathroom looked like 24/7. It was so messy and unorganized. It started to stress me out so I had to do something to change that. 

For now, this is my new makeup area! I'm still getting used to it though. My room is on the backside of the house and there are trees in our backyard so I don't get very much sunlight which is not good for doing your makeup. So if you see me with makeup not blended in, thats why ;)

I fought these grey tins from Target (my holy grail store) for pretty cheap. Heres the link if you would like to check them out. They have a think 3 sizes or maybe 2. I have the small & medium. They are so awesome and they are super cute!! 

In the medium sized one, I have most of my makeup organized. I have three smaller organizer tins inside. I have them organized by foundations, random little things  (eyeliner, eyeshadows, blush, primers), & then lipsticks! 

This new system has made getting ready so much easier! Instead of digging through a makeup bag trying to find everything I need, now I can find it more easily than I could before. Now for my brushes, I just recently bought this awesome organizer from TJ MAXX, it has three sections. Two back ones and then another in the front. This has helped me organize my brushes in categories: face, eyes, and small travel size brushes/beauty blenders. The next things on my list that I want to buy are nail polish organizers and also I want a lipstick holder/organizer. 

So this has been my major project recently in getting my life organized!! I hope that this will maybe inspire you to organize your life too :)

-xoxoxo Steph